I Wish I Knew How to Quit You.

A post about Brokeback Mountain?  No.  A post about yogurt?  Yes.  I realize they’re not even a little bit related.  Onward.

I was always a teensy bit skeptical about Greek yogurt — I mean, what exactly made it “Greek?”  I was dubious.  So, every week when I’d do my grocery shopping, I’d skip by the Greek yogurt and focus on what I knew: Yoplait light.  It was simple, came in about 50,204 flavors, and it always did me right. 

But then I started seeing Greek yogurt in recipes, and I noticed that it was fat-free (but packed with protein), and people started talking about how! amazingly! awesome! it was.  I figured it was time to bite the bullet and throw my picky food tendencies out the window and give it a whirl.  On my next shopping excursion, I picked up a container of Yoplait Greek yogurt. 



That yogurt tastes like devil’s venom that has been bottled up and microwaved on high power for 40 hours and then refrigerated.  It’s ridiculously sour and not at all appealing.  I wondered how anyone could eat such a foul-tasting food.  What’s worse than the taste, though?  The lid of the container proudly proclaiming: “LUSCIOUS fruit on the bottom!”  I HATE THE WORD “LUSCIOUS.”  HATE.  Suffice to say after two spoonfuls (I only gave it 2 to see if I hadn’t stirred it up all the way – I HAD) it went into the garbage.

I switched back to my Yoplait light for a couple of weeks, but still saw people’s glowing reviews of the Greek stuff – HOW?  HOW DO YOU PEOPLE LIKE TO EAT SOMETHING THAT TASTES SO VILE?  But then I realized that they were talking about a brand name:  Chobani.


You know the drill: next time I was grocery shopping, I picked some up.  I did balk a little bit at the price (I mean, really?  $1.79 per cup?) but put one in my cart nonetheless.  The next day I opened it, stirred it up, and tried it.


It was like a whole new world of Greek yogurt. 

I’m pretty sure they were talking about Chobani.  Maybe not, though.  I guess I should mention that this post is definitely not sponsored by Chobani – although if they’d like to send me some yogurt, I’m totally game. 

Anyway, I bought the Chobani for a few weeks and all was right in my little yogurt eating world.  Then, one day at the grocery store they were OUT of Chobani.  COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY OUT.  Right next to the Chobani section, though, was the Yoplait that I loathed.  It was fully stocked (coincidence? I think not.) and it was on sale.  I also noticed that the cups proclaimed:  “Now better tasting!”  IT HAD BETTER TASTE BETTER THAN THAT DEVIL’S VENOM YOU GUYS WERE PACKAGING A FEW WEEKS BACK, YOPLAIT.  Against my better judgment (and without Chobani in stock) I put 5 cups in my cart – enough for one week.


It did not taste better.  It tasted exactly the effing same.  EXACTLY.  What’s worse?  I was brought up to not waste food, so I suffered through every single one of those venom filled cups for an entire week.  This morning I had my Chobani.  It was perfectly delicious.  All is right with my yogurt world once again. 

And yes, I just wrote an entire post about Greek yogurt.  I guess I’m harkening back to the time I wrote an entire post about my nails.

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11 Comments to “I Wish I Knew How to Quit You.”

  1. Hahaha, this post cracked me up. But see, my problem is that I think ALL yogurt tastes like devil’s venom. I can’t do it! I wish I could, though, since it’s so healthy. :(

  2. haha. this made me smile on a Monday morning! I just started eating Chobani as well, and I’ve been semi-in love with it. I’m having the same problem though – it gets super sold out! Sigh. I did buy a few yesterday, and I’m still looking to try the Lemon which I hear is good. (I’m not much a fan of the peach…) What flavor do you like best?

    And I have to say, any post with Aladdin & Jasmine having their magic carpet ride, is truly, truly amazing.

    Have a good week!

  3. LOL! I actually hate the Chobani too… my GYOC (Greek yogurt of choice) is Fage. If there is no Fage, I do not eat it. Also, this is the second blog post I’ve read in the last month about Greek yogurt! Love that people “out there” are making the switch. =)

  4. Lmao at devil venom.

    I love Chobani. Love love love. Oiko’s with caramel and chocolate on the bottom isn’t bad, either. But Chobani is definitely the best.

  5. OMG- I totally agree about the Yoplait! I thought that maybe I had gotten a bad cup the first time I tried it- until I had a second cup. It was disgusting.

    I’m going to pick up some Chobani to try this week!

  6. I agree about the Yoplait–gross gross gross. However, I too think that Chobani is nasty nasty. It’s too tart for me. Some people say that Greek yogurt is grity, where they got that I have no idea because I’ve never had that issue. But what I do love—-Fage Total 0% fruit flavors. SOO good :) Like other Greek yogurts it has all that great protein, which is awesome :) I think if I added soem granola to it that would be even better!

  7. If this makes me lame, so be it. This post just inspired me to finally take my Chobani out of the fridge and give it a whirl. Honestly, I’d been afraid. But alas, SO GOOD! Back to eating…

  8. I’ve never tried the Yoplait but I love Chobani and the Trader Joe’s brand isn’t too bad either. My favorite is Chobani pineapple!!

  9. This is hilarious! I absolutely love Greek yogurt for the texture: it is so much creamier and smoother than “regular’ yogurt, in my opinion!

    Not that I want to send you in a bad direction, but have you seen the Dannon Greek yogurts yet? I buy Chobani when it is on sale, but on regular weeks I go for Dannon. I only buy vanilla though, so I can’t speak to the taste value of the fruity varieties…

  10. I love Greek yogurt, and, like Katie, I also buy the Dannon (because of the price on Chobani, which I also love). Plain or vanilla Greek yogurt is especially yummy with a little granola and a drizzle of honey.

  11. I found myself yelling to the post “NOOO THAT IS CRAP!! BUY CHOBANI!” I’m glad you figured that out before the post was over ;) I like the Dannon Greek best when Chobani is out, which is kind of frequent compared to other products. I love Cho but I hate the bits in the fruit part, so I stick to the vanilla and mix in stuff myself!

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